Never Let Me Go
by The Insane Fox
Summary: Keith is haunted by nightmares and is dealing with the fallout of the events of season 6. He's not convinced he'll ever be okay again and relies on Shiro to show him that he's wrong.


Keith dreamed of the astral plane every night. Without fail, every time his fell asleep, he found himself staring into the expanse of nothingness, the darkness of space threatening to swallow him whole. His heart was racing as he looked around frantically because he didn't know where he was, sure, but more importantly _he didn't know where Shiro was._

"Shiro!" Keith cried out to the void. "Shiro! Where are you?"

No matter how loud or how much he screamed, Shiro never answered. He was gone.

Suddenly Keith was screaming again, but this time it was back home, back in his own bed.

And Shiro was there, arms (including a new prosthetic Allura, Hunk, and Pidge were able to make for him after losing his Galra one) wrapped around Keith, whispering soothing nothings in his ear.

"Babe, it's okay, I'm here." Shiro murmured as he gently rocked Keith back and forth, peppering his face in soft kisses.

Keith never said anything about the dreams, but he suspected that somehow Shiro knew. That every night, he dreamed that Shiro died all over again. Only this time, the Black Lion couldn't save his consciousness. And Keith was truly left alone in this God forsaken universe.

Eventually, the tears stopped, the sobs became just hiccups. Shiro leaned them back on the bed and Keith whimpered pathetically in his arms until he fell back asleep, continuously whispering "I love you, don't leave me again." 

* * *

Ever since returning to Earth, Keith hadn't left Shiro's side. He felt more like a dog whose master had returned from war, rather than a boyfriend who had watched the love of his life die and return to the living. Shiro noticed, of course, and he did everything in his power to reassure Keith that he wasn't going anywhere. He wanted Keith to go back to his own life, not just be an accessory in Shiro's.

Pidge and Allura had started bringing him out for rides on the Lions, even convincing him to do a few off-planet missions for the Coalition. He knew they were trying to distract him, probably just to give Shiro a break, but he admitted it helped to get some fresh air once in a while. Keith didn't know how to be anything other than a pilot and a soldier for most of his life, so he had to learn how to be a civilian and just himself all over again. He still barely knew how to love Shiro without ruining everything, but Allura assured him that they would hit their stride in their relationship in due time.

"You know, this is a really bad look for you. The moping around, I mean." Lance said one night while they were all sitting around the coffee table at Hunk's apartment, pulling on now warm beers and playing a card game nobody could remember the rules for.

Keith flipped Lance off as he threw down a card and declared himself the winner of that round. Pidge and Coran immediately started yelling that he'd cheated, and the whole thing quickly deteriorated into an incoherent screaming match between the former Paladins and their Altean friends. It had become a weekly thing for them to get together at Hunk's so he could cook for everyone and they would just do something as a group-whether it was watch a movie, play a game, or just sit around and drink.

Shiro said he would be over later as he had therapy that night, so they'd all started without him on this particular evening.

"The rules say you can't do that!" Pidge shrieked.

"We've kinda been making the rules up as we go," Hunk shrugged.

"This is Egyptian Rat Screw! You should know how to play this!" Lance snapped back.

"We never agreed that's what we're playing!" Pidge threw her cards in the air in frustration. "There. Now it's 52 Pickup. Are you happy?"

Keith took this moment to go back into the kitchen and find a fresh beer and escape the arguing in the other room. There was one last beer in the fridge when he opened it, so he shot Shiro a text asking him to get more on his way over.

When he returned, Coran had joined the fray and was already sporting the telltale flush of someone who had had too much to drink. Ever since they'd introduced him to Earth alcohol-proving once and for all that it _was_ possible to get drunk on something that didn't taste like old hot dog water-he'd taken a bit too much after his Pop Pop Wimbledon in the alcohol department.

Keith watched the scene before him with a sort of bemused look on his face, trying to engrave this memory into his head. They had fought so hard for years and been in war mode for so long that it was still strange to him to see his friends in such a civilian setting. Hell, they were all still getting used to the feeling of not having the weight of the universe on their shoulders.

Allura was suddenly beside him in the entryway to the kitchen, startling Keith enough that he jumped a little.

"Holy shit, give me some warning!" Keith gasped.

"Sorry," Allura apologized and fidgeted awkwardly, which was something she'd been doing more and more of lately. It was as if Lotor's betrayal and the subsequent battle had destroyed her confidence and Keith made a mental note to see if they could do something to help her with that.

Keith wasn't sure that he would ever get used to seeing Allura in Earth clothes, though he had to admit they flattered her well. Whoever it was that took her shopping had some good taste though, because the white summer dress with pink flowers she wore was perfect for her.

"I...wanted to see how you're doing." Allura said, unable to meet his eyes.

"I'm fine." Keith shrugged and popped the cap off his beer.

"That's bullshit and you know it."

Allura caught him completely off guard with that, as he stood there with his beer poised just ready to take a sip from, mouth slightly agape. She rarely got this mad, let alone swore, so it was throwing him for a loop.

When he finally regained his senses, he place the beer down on the counter. "I...really don't know how to answer that."

"Whether you know how to answer it or not doesn't matter. What does matter is that you need to talk to somebody-that can be Shiro, a therapist, Lance, I don't care who. Just talk to somebody."

He tried to say something, anything, but the words died in his throat. Allura must have known what he was going to say though because she deflated a little. "Keith, please. We're all worried about you. You haven't been the same since your battle with Shiro's clone. Just promise me you'll try to talk to somebody about it."

Keith didn't have a chance to respond to that as Shiro chose that moment to open the front door, a fresh pack of beer under his human arm while Keith's pet wolf followed along behind him-a sight that was becoming more and more common these days as Keith's friend had taken quite the liking to Shiro.

"Got more beer," Shiro announced, earning a shriek of triumph from Pidge and a grateful whoop from Lance.

Keith tried to use the distraction to sneak away back into the living room but Allura grabbed the back of his shirt collar. "Talk to him, Keith. I'm serious."

With that, she dropped the subject, but leveled Keith with a stern look on her way back to the others.

Keith said nothing as he collapsed into Shiro's lap, allowing himself to be pulled closer so Shiro could rest his chin on the top of Keith's head.

"Keith! Get Midna out of the chips!" Hunk wailed from somewhere nearby.

"For the last time, stop calling her that just because she reminds of that character from Zelda!"

* * *

" _Shiro! Shiro, where are you?" Keith was crying into the void again._

 _Once again, he was facing the expanse of the universe, but his desperate pleas were only answered by silence._

 _Black stood beside him, staring off in a particular direction. But when Keith called out to his lion, he got no response. He knew they were in Black's subconscious, but his lion was being as silent and proud as ever._

 _Then, in the background, he very faintly heard somebody yelling back, "Keith!"_

 _He knew it was Shiro, he'd know that voice if he suddenly lost his hearing and could never listen to it again. He would know it just by the timbre and feel of it reverberating in his chest._

 _So he took off at a dead run in the direction of the voice. He was going so fast that he kept tripping over his own feet though, and eventually ate shit and sprawled out on his stomach._

 _The voice was getting farther and farther away, and in frustration, Keith pounded his fist on the ground and began to sob loudly…_

"Keith! Keith wake up!"

Keith shot out of bed so fast he nearly smashed the top of his head into Shiro's face.

"Shit, Shiro, I'm so sorry. What happened?" Keith was panicking both because he nearly hurt Shiro and because his heart was still pounding from his recurring nightmare.

"You were screaming in your sleep again." Shiro looked as tired as Keith felt.

"God damn it," Keith sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Shiro was clearly not fine though, and it made Keith feel like absolute shit when Shiro reached forward to rub his shoulders and encouraged Keith to lean into him and relax.

Silence lapsed over them as Keith willed his heart rate to slow back to its normal pace. He was grateful Shiro was there with him-after the party, they had ended up back at Keith's place, and while they didn't officially live together, it had become more common for them to sleep at one of their places or the other most nights. And with Keith's increasing number of nightmares, he wasn't sure he would make it through the night alone anymore.

"Keith," Shiro finally broke the silence. "What's been going on with you?"

Keith had to swallow the 'nothing' that bubbled on his tongue by instinct. He'd been telling everyone he was fine for so long, but Allura's words kept hounding him in the back of his mind. He knew it wasn't fair to Shiro to keep him in the dark, not after everything they had been through together. And if losing Shiro had taught him one thing, it was to never again take their time together for granted again.

So, Keith took a deep breath and began to tell him.

"Every night I dream that I'm back in the astral plane. And you're gone."

He paused, and when Shiro nodded, he continued.

"So I call out to you. But you're not there. And I realize I've lost you again and I can't-" Keith had to pause to collect himself, his words now coming out in choked sob. "I can't lose you again. It took you dying the first time for me to realize I was in love with you. If I lose you again, _I won't survive it._ "

He was full-on sobbing now, hiccuping and trying not to wail loud enough to wake the neighbors. Shiro immediately pulled Keith close to him and began to whisper soothing words in his ear, arms wrapped firmly around him while Shiro did his best to calm him.

"Keith, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

" _But you don't know that!_ " Keith cried. "You were gone for years and none of us knew. I fucking couldn't tell the difference between you and a clone. I'm no better than Haggar for that. I couldn't tell that the person I love most in this world wasn't himself-I don't deserve you, damn it!"

"Keith!" Shiro's voice finally broke, snapping a touch harshly but having the desired effect of momentarily snapping Keith out of his hysterics.

When Keith swallowed and looked him in the eye, Shiro continued. "Listen to me. You did nothing wrong, you hear me? My clone tricked everybody, not just you. And I'm back, I died once but I don't plan on doing that again for a long, long time. I'm right here, Keith. And I'm not going anywhere."

Keith knew the uncertainty was still there on his face, but he hoped Shiro would realize it would have to be enough, at least for now. He'd lost everybody else he had ever loved, Shiro being no exception. He was too emotionally fragile to lose anyone else but so long as Shiro was here, in front of him, he would continue to tell himself that he wasn't alone.

The cold metal of Shiro's prosthetic hand was suddenly there, brushing hair from Keith's forehead. "Hey, baby, I'm here. It's okay."

He had no idea who moved first, but he supposed it didn't matter. All Keith knew was that they needed to touch each other, to _feel_ and know that they were both present. With each press of lips and gasp of air, their hands roamed, grabbing any bit of flesh they could. It was as arousing as it was reassuring, and Keith couldn't think of anybody else he would rather share such intimacy with.

Clothes were quickly discarded on the floor and somewhere Keith was aware of the sound of the cap from a bottle of lube popping open. He didn't even wait for Shiro to say anything, simply spread his legs and gave Shiro the command he needed to continue.

He knew Shiro wanted to take it slow and make sure Keith was properly prepped, but Keith was impatient. He wanted to feel the burn and stretch of Shiro inside of him, even relished the sting because it meant Shiro was there, very much alive, and showing Keith just how much he loved him.

"Shiro, I'm ready," Keith gasped as Shiro found his prostate and pressed a teasing finger against the sensitive bundle of nerves.

Shiro hummed, not sounding totally convinced. Keith retaliated by wrapping his legs around Shiro's waist and pulling him forward so that he could grind their erect cocks together.

 _That_ had the effect he was hoping for when Shiro let out an obscenely loud moan. Keith was suddenly aware of another time, before the Kerberos mission, when he and Shiro had first had sex. They had been such awkward, insecure teenagers then, and Shiro had been embarrassed by how early he came, no matter how much Keith reassured him that he thought it was cute.

They were both still insecure now, but for very different reasons. Now they poured all of their desperation into their bodies as Shiro pulled back long enough to roll a condom on, eyes shamelessly roving over Keith's sprawled and naked form beneath him. When Keith leaned forward to kiss Shiro again and grab the back of his white hair, it was all Shiro needed to move on.

Keith felt the initial burn as Shiro pushed into him, trying to drown his groan into their kiss. Shiro paused, waiting for Keith's permission to move. Keith answered by wrapping his legs around Shiro's waist, pulling him closer and bucking up into him.

Shiro's response was immediate as he set a slow but at the same time brutal pace. But Keith always gave back what he was given and had never once failed to keep up with Shiro. They were panting and sweat-soaked fairly quickly, but for every thrust Shiro pounded into him, Keith met him with and equally harsh buck of his hips.

"Shit, Keith," Shiro was suddenly warning him. "I won't last much longer."

"That's fine I-ahh-won't either," Keith was panting and writhing, feeling the teasing fire of his oncoming orgasm.

Keith finally came with a cry, back arching off the bed as he painted his and Shiro's stomachs with cum. Shiro followed a few seconds later, emptying into the condom before collapsing on top of Keith.

They lay there for a few minutes to catch their breath before Shiro forced himself up on his arms. With a grunt, he pulled out of Keith and tied off the condom before tossing it in the trash. He then lean forward to kiss Keith on the forehead, whispering that he'd be right back. Keith must have dozed off because Shiro was already back at the bedside and wiping him down with a wet cloth.

Keith hummed in satisfaction as Shiro climbed back into bed and pulled him into his chest. He felt the fingers of Shiro's human hand thread through his hair while they settled in together. That, coupled with his orgasm, left Keith feeling more relaxed than he had in months.

He placed a soft kiss to Shiro's chest over his heart and quickly fell asleep. And for once, his sleep was dreamless.

* * *

A few days later, Keith was working on Black over at the Galaxy Garrison. His wolf (who's name was actually Blink, despite all of Hunk's attempt to call her Midna) was curled up nearby and snoring softly. His emotions and thoughts were still a jumbled mess, but he found that they were slowly unraveling themselves. He still had nightmares, but they were lessening in both frequency and intensity, so he was hopeful that soon they would be a thing of the past.

Blink lifted her head suddenly and stared pointedly to Keith's left. He turned to see Allura approaching, this time wearing skinny jeans and boots with a pink crop top. It wasn't quite appropriate wear for the hangar, but he figured she probably was only stopping by to see him and decided it wasn't worth mentioning.

"Hey Allura," He greeted before going back to tinkering with something in Black's control panel.

"Keith," she replied, but didn't push for more until he was done with the task at hand.

When he was done, he dropped his tools on the ground and used a rag to wipe grease off his hands and turned to face her finally. "What's up?"

"I saw Shiro just now…" Allura hesitated as if debating whether or not to keep going. "He said you two talked finally."

Keith felt the blood rush to his cheeks and tried to look away. "Yeah, we did."

"And?" Allura prodded, eyebrow raised questioningly.

"It's...we're good." Keith actually felt himself relax, even smile a bit. "It's slow going but I'll get there. So will he."

"I'm glad." Allura smiled as well.

"So uh...thanks. I needed that kick in the ass."

"I'm well aware," Allura was laughing now.

They fell into a comfortable silence after that, so Keith began to clean up his work area. When he was done, he hesitated for a second before wrapping Allura in a friendly hug. He felt her tense in surprise, but it only lasted a second before she returned the hug.

"Thank you, Allura, I mean it." Keith said as he let her go.

She grinned and linked her arm through his and began to lead him away from the hangar. "You're welcome, Keith. Now, we have a new mission we should discuss."

And just like that, the universe was falling back into place again. Keith knew it would take time for him to accept that the war was over and that Shiro was alive and not going anywhere. But for now, he was grateful for his friends and the distractions they provided while he slowly pieced his life back together again.


End file.
